The shirt had been marked down,
so I had to go and buy it;
The tie was on clearance,
so I had to run and tie it;
The suit was on promotion,
so I could not defy it;
But all three were ghastly —
I couldn’t honestly deny it.
I got a juicer coupon,
so I had to go and use it;
It expired in a week,
and I didn’t want to lose it;
I didn’t need a juicer,
but I had to quickly choose it;
I hate every vegetable,
but now I’d have to juice it.
“Companion flies free” was the offer,
so I simply had to take it;
I had no money to pay,
so I’d have to work and make it;
I had no thirst for travel,
but now I’d have to slake it;
My companion I despise,
but now I’d have to fake it.
The gasoline was cheaper there,
so I had to drive and get it;
The store was miles and miles away,
but I could not forget it;
When at last I came back home,
I soon began to regret it;
All the fuel left in the tank
was barely enough to wet it.
The knife was shown on TV,
so I couldn’t have missed it;
It would never lose its edge,
so how could I resist it?
It worked as they promised,
the first time that I used it;
Then it got so dull and blunt,
you could’ve safely kissed it.
The camera was reduced,
so I went ahead and bought it;
The temptation was strong,
and I could not have fought it;
The gadget would be fun,
or so I had thought it;
But it’s lying in my attic,
untouched since I got it;
The ab machine was small enough,
to fit neatly in my pocket;
Soon my belly would flatten,
and no one would ever mock it!
But when the thing failed to work,
I stomped on it and broke it;
And as for my “six pack”—
still in my fridge I stock it.
If I miss an offer,
I know I’ll always rue it;
If ever I missed one,
It’s because they withdrew it;
When I can do a deal,
I invariably do it;
Though after every deal,
I always feel I blew it.
If I see a coupon,
I will at once clip it;
I’ll buy extra items,
so they’ll freely ship it;
If it’s totally useless,
I’ll pretend I’m going to flip it;
But try to toss it out,
and possessively I’ll grip it.
So anything that’s on sale,
eagerly I select it;
Though it may be junk,
and though I’ve never liked it;
As the years go by,
the more I go and collect it;
And though it almost chokes me,
Never can I evict it.
Chandra Shekhar began his career as a researcher in computer vision before transitioning to journalism. His first novel, “Sunless,” is a science fiction thriller. He divides his time between Princeton and Coimbatore, India.
